“Does it surprise us that deeper connection, deeper purpose, and deeper meaning resides in the deeper end of the pool? It takes effort to work the deep end, doesn’t it?“
– Dr. M.
I’ve been talking to my eighty-nine-year-old neighbor a bit more since his wife passed. He’s a loner by practice, but he loves a friendly conversation. And I love it when he has his teeth in!
Just yesterday he and I were talking about money, government, and his years selling real estate. He was a classic 50s-60s company man. Doing the job. Like it or not. But he didn’t know much about his colleagues in all those years. At one point in our conversation, he paused and said “I think I should have communicated more. On the job. And with my family.” Seems he was expressing remorse for a lack of intimacy.
His reflection was deep. I saw it in his eyes. For a moment, he was sad.
In his book, The Power of a Positive Team, Jon Gordon suggests what it takes to be “liked” as a team member and a person. Not surprisingly, communication is key.
He writes: “If you are a team that wants to just like each other, then simply communicate at the surface level. Have fun, laugh, and stay away from difficult conversations. But if you and your team just want to be liked and don’t have difficult conversations, then you will never grow to love each other.”
Got me thinking about my own life. Do I want others to “like” me? Just say or not say something to maintain my “likeableness”?
Got me thinking about the next generation, specifically my family and the student-athletes who I engage. Do they want others to “like” them? Maintain a gold-standard of likeableness?
My guess is we like being “liked.” But what are others liking about us? A good friend of mine suggests that folk like (or dislike) what we have learned to become…not who we truly are. Somewhere along the line we get sidetracked. Strong perspective, but I must pivot quickly to a point.
No doubt surface level communication can get the “job” done. Sure. But is that meeting our need for connection and communication? I suspect that superficial interplay, after some point, leaves a person wanting. Dissatisfied. Sad. Disconnected. Lonely. All great feelings with both gift and impairment sides, but honestly, it just stinks.
Does it surprise us that deeper connection, deeper purpose, and deeper meaning resides in the deeper end of the pool? It takes effort to work the deep end, doesn’t it?
Not surprisingly, in his book, Gordon describes the deep end where communication is rich and at times raw. He says “It’s through the challenges conflict, vulnerability, transparency, and connection that great teams are refined and formed. You can be satisfied with like, or you can become a positive and powerful team that does what it takes to foster intimacy and love.” Somehow, we know he is right.
If so, then to not meander into the deep end, suggests a cost. What is the cost? For many, it is not knowing God, others, and self any more than the previous day.
In the end, perhaps it is in the deep waters where in our interplay with others we share hurts, bear burdens, confront, and encourage, moving us closer to loving the Lord our God with all our heart and with all our soul and with all our mind and with all our strength and loving our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:30-31).